As I sit here..... I am sad and frustrated. I want so much to be able to fix things, better situations, help people understand, and just not have worries. I went to work today to help out on Recess Duty. I signed up so that I could see my children interact with the other children. Boy, do I love my kids. Today, I stood and watched my Avery playing Soccer with a mixed group. He loves to run around, but he gets so frustrated when he isn't passed to, others take it from him, he doesn't get to play it like he thinks it should be played. I patiently held back my advise as he was among many peers. I didn't want him to be embarrassed. However, when the recess bell rang to go in, I did pull him aside and tried to help him through it. He gets so emotional and upset. He doesn't see the whole picture of playing in a group like that. It is unorganized and a dozen or more personalities all in the mix. I wish I had that "Staples- EASY BUTTON". Many things for him just aren't easy to work through his head. We got him calmed down as I walked with him to his classroom. Once there, the teacher pulls me aside and tells me that he had a melt down earlier that day. REALLY? I just hurt every time I get news like that. I guess he was given an assignment to fill out a questionnaire like " I am......., I like......., because....., with about 10 questions similar following. Seems simple enough. Just think of what to fill in on the blanks and do it. Not for Avery. That is just too many "to do's" in a row. He gets overwhelmingly frustrated with too many directions or instructions at a time. He needs it slowed down and for him to have time to process the assignment. The class was given the run down of things to fill in and had a time limit to fill it out before they headed to the Computer Lab to type it up. That is what set Avery off. He was rushed and didn't even have ideas or understand the assignment fully.
Well, I know a normal 5th grader would raise his hand and ask for further instruction or help. Avery still struggles with being able to express himself accurately. He mixes up his words and stumbles over what is in his head. It's in there, it just doesn't want to come out the same way that he thinks it. FRUSTRATING!! He gets so frustrated and I don't blame him. Some things are still out of his control. Because he can't communicate how he wants it affects how he learns and how he deals with life in general.
Most people including family don't see this. They don't think that Avery struggles with anything. BUT, I AM TELLING YOU AS HIS MOTHER- HE DOES!!!!! He has struggled from the day he was born. He entered speech at age 3 to try to get him to say more than two word sentences and he continued until mid 4th grade with help with his processing/comprehension/direction skills. I never had him tested for Autism , but Ammon and I both agree that he has a form of it, mild as it may be. I don't need it diagnosed, I don't want that label on him. I believe that all of us to some degree have autism. I just want him to get help and progress and be happy.
I talk until I am blue in the face to the teachers about what it is like for him and how he struggles. But, it is so hard to see it that they don't believe it. He gets so frustrated that he sobs and sobs. It just breaks my heart. I am scared that this might be a really hard year. Being in 5th grade will be a lot more work and more challenges. Plus, the classroom sizes are HUGE!!!! There are 32 big 5th graders crammed into a little classroom. He is sure to get frustrated and he is sure not to be a focus of one teachers attention. I don't want him to be given special treatment for I know he needs to work on overcoming this challenge. I just want understanding and compassion. I want them to believe that these things are real and that he doesn't have control of how he learns.
We are only two days into school and I am so overwhelmed with how I take care of the needs of my children. I know that it could be so much worse and harder. I KNOW THAT!... As a mother, it's hard to sit back and let things happen as they do. I can't stand seeing my children sad. I want them to always be smiling and happy. I want them to believe that they are smart and talented and that they are liked by so many friends. I need to be able to make it all better, but I don't know how.......
What frustrates me is that I don't know of all the things that they get sad about or struggle with. I just happen to witness two today (SO FAR) because I just happened to be there. How are they when I am not there to learn of their struggles or hard times.? Talk about frustrating.
4 comments:
I can relate with what you are feeling. I remember when my kids
would come home in bad moods and I
would ask "What's wrong?" and I
would get "NOTHING" and a slammed
door!!! It is hard to know what to
do to help your child. I'm glad
you are there and maybe be of some help. Keep praying for our Heavenly
Fathers help. Maybe have Ammon give
Avery a special blessing to help
him in learning how to cope.
There is no set answer just dealing
as each situation comes along and
lots of love and acceptance. It is
hard when you have more than one
child to deal with. Stay on your
knees and He will hear your pleas
and answer them. I love you and will help you anyway I can. The
best thing is love and patience,
which is hard, I know. Juat ask
your Dad how many tears I shed over
my children while all of you were
growing up. It is hard to be a
parent and not be able to solve
every problem because they just
keep coming even after your children are grown. We have to trust in the Lord and keep praying.
Love you all much,
Mom
Sonny, I know exactly what you are experiencing. And my heart aches. Sometimes all you can do...and the best thing to do...is just love your child. No one can do that better than a mother. Be the lap, the shoulder, the refuge. Labels are hard, and I hate them for the most part. But it helped Nathan to finally have a name for what he was feeling. I actually went to his school, years ago, and shared the very darling book: "All Cats Have Aspergers Syndrome." See if your library has a copy. It's one of Nathan's favorite books. Call me, anytime, if you just want to talk. I KNOW Avery's having a tough time. I BELIEVE you! He is not only trying to 'get' the school education, but to also 'get' the social 'rules'. Nathan still struggles with that, and sometimes I still cry. Hugs!!!
One thing each of us needs to learn is that life isn't always easy, and that the callenges that come our way can make us better people if we approach them in the right way and don't spend all of our time developing a culture of comparison with others. We all have our own unique gifts and we all have our own unique challenges. Nobody is better than any body else. That is a given, but we need not become frustrated over how we think we are percieved by others. Each of us needs to learn to take what we have and make the most of it. "Do what is right,let the consequence follow." And then don't go around second guessing ourselves. Your mom is right. Love and patience are the closest tools we will ever find/develop to help us and our loved ones meet their potential and experience true joy and happiness.
We love you all and are grateful you are experiencing the growing pains of life and parenting. They don't go away, but we can develop greater skill in dealing with them.
You are a great mother, Alison, and you have a great family. We will be glad to help where we can and should.
Love you all and always,
Grandpa Bart
I'm with Kimberly- I believe you and I understand! Hold tight to the friends that do understand- gleen whatever you can from them- it will help so much. Like I said - knowledge is power.
The Lord will guide us for sure, just as soon as we take that step into the dark.
Oh and when you find one of those staples easy buttons - buy a second for me?;)
Love you- keep up the good work!
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